Just when you thought it was safe. Ladies and gentlemen the holiday season has arrived faster than your girl’s little friend this year and now the countdown has begun. You know what we’re talking about-the countdown to that mad last minute scramble through the stores, racking your brain to get the right gift for your loved ones before you get your behind handed back to you along with all your possessions and an eviction notice. Well kiddies, have no fear because our staff has hit the pavement once again to answer all of your questions about what to get so and so, what to do with that old booty call and a whole lotta others from you, our loving readers. We always try to drop jewels to you so we’re going to leave you with this: Open your eyes and greet your fears face-first.
Remember to send your letters to our post office box address: Attn: T&A or Cheeba Moscowitz. Love and prayers go out to the families of the “Jena 6.”
My girlfriend has a thing about buying only expensive gifts. She says if it isn’t expensive don’t buy it. She even tells me that the thought was nice but I should’ve waited to buy her something if it isn’t the biggest and best. What do I do now that Christmas is coming up?
Ditch her. She’s beyond money hungry, she’s saying you’re not even worth the thought. – Jennifer
If you really love her, I’d talk to her and tell her that it hurts when she is rude like that, then I would slap the mess outta her for saying to do better. – Angelica
You’re a sucker for taking that type of stuff to begin with, man up little boy. – Monica
My girlfriend and I are going to her parents’ house for Thanksgiving this year and I hear rumors that her dad is really racist. I’ve asked her and she says that he just has a sick sense of humor. I don’t want to be put on the spot and I know she wouldn’t intend for it to happen but we are a mixed couple and I don’t want to have to deal with it. How can I not break her heart and not go to save our thing?
It is sweet that you don’t want to hurt her but shoot, she is going to let you get hurt if you do go. Why don’t you tell her the truth? Just say that you’re not trying to hear it and she can like it or leave it. Racism in any form is bulls**t. – Toni
You need to go just for your girl’s sake and if the dad is out of place, put him in it. – Monique
I have been with my girl for about four years and I have had this little side thing going on for like six months. I obviously need to cut it off but I don’t wanna do it before Christmas. How do I play it out for a little bit longer but not play her like a complete fool?
You’re the fool. You’re playing your girl like a fool too. You need to just come clean with the sidepiece of ass and let her keep on pushin’. You are foul and I hope you get caught. – Tanisha
I wouldn’t say much to the girl over the next few weeks. Don’t hang out with her and then on Christmas call her really late and be like real nonchalant about what’s up. She should catch the drift. – Ashley
It’s funny that you think about the side girl’s feelings but not your girl’s feelings. Just don’t spend any money on the sidepiece I guess. It seems like you lack common sense. – Jackie
Just give her some good love but no cards or gifts. Blow her back out and then tell her “Baby it’s over. Christmas has brought me closer to my true love and you are not it.” – Michelle (Shout-out to New Orleans for this answer!)
I graduated from high school two years ago and want to go back and approach one of my teachers who always had her eyes on me. I even caught her staring at my, umm, member once when I asked her a question at her desk. I’m over 18 and she still works there, should I go back or not humiliate myself? I was too shy back then to get at her, now is a different story.
Go back but prepare to be stared at like you are out of your mind. Make sure your friends think she had it out for you first before you go trying to pull it out on your old instructor. – Monica
Do it. If I could’ve slept with this one hot professor I had in private school, I would have hiked up my uniform and stained up his desk faster than spilled coffee. – Imelda
Girls know when a guy wants to sleep with them; younger guys sometimes lack that skill. Be careful before you make a fool out of yourself. – Toni
Thanksgiving brings me one month closer to having to spend time with my boyfriend’s annoying mother. The only thing we have in common is that we both drink red wine heavily in each other’s presence, only I stop when I don’t see her, you know what I mean? Anyway, I want to do something nice for him on Christmas but I know his mom will be drunk and run her mouth, how do I go without knocking this Puta, out?
Like the old song says, “Red red wine, stay close to me!” Get drunk and forget she exists. – Paola
Get sauced and if she goes off, give her a stiff shot to the chin. She might not even remember it but be ready for the old bat to have some fights in her, she sounds bitter as all hell. – Serena
I would go and get some low-key revenge, like spike her punch extra hard and don’t drink and watch her make a complete fool out of herself then go have sex with your boyfriend on her jacket in the guestroom. – Katherine
Go and spread love and peace then if she comes out her face, spread your fingers apart and slap her to pieces in front of everyone, something lovely. – Denise
I got caught cheating earlier this year and now I want to make up for it with something really nice and out of the ordinary. I’m truly sorry and wouldn’t do it ever again but how can I buy her something without it looking like I’m buying back her trust?
Propose to her if you’re that serious. – Chantal
If you think that you’re not going to come off as looking suspicious by buying some outlandish gift, you’re wrong. Just give it time and keep your pee pee in your pants from now on, but a shopping spree never did hurt a girl. – Juanita
Just buy her lots of shoes, purses and like two really nice coats. Spend until it hurts, then spend some more. Good luck cheater. – Margarita
The only four words that can save you now are “Will you marry me?” Take it or leave it pretty boy. – Tasha
You gave up sex tips for the guys, any gift ideas before it’s too late?
Chocolates, roses, clothes, cars, jewelry. Any of these are winners. Combine them for better reactions. – Heather
Shoes, clothes, iPod, clothes for her baby and of course diamonds. – Michelle
Mind blowing sex. Leave her gasping for breath and wanting more when she can gather herself. If you fall short just go down on her until she crushes your head with her legs. – Raquelle
Go downtown. Then go downtown again and cop some diamonds for ya girl. Hint Hint. – Jenay