Que pasa camaradas? The Magnificent One is on the prowl for a new mamacita, so hook it up with your carnalas or even jefita if she’s a MILF, tu sabes? Sanchito don’t discriminate-I support single moms. I like MILF. MILF is good. Damn ese, I remember this one ruca I was messing with, she was the president of the Southern California chapter of the MILFER’S United, and let me tell you chiquitos, she had me curling my toes.

Here’s a little bit of knowledge for the youngsters out there. How do you know if the hina is doing a good job in the sack? If you have to pull the sheets out of your crack, she’s a keeper, ha ha! All you old chicharones know what Sanchito is talking about, que no? The Magnificent One also supports strippers, so all you pole huggers don’t be shy, send me your flica and digits.

Besides that pedoros, everything has been A-OK. The familia is doing firme. My tio, Machete, finally got out the joint, and my prima, Chacha, just had her baby. But I feel sorry for the hairy little bastard, growing up in our familia is no joke. He’ll probably be mentally scarred before his first birthday. On the other hand, at least he gets to choose who he wants his daddy to be since my prima doesn’t even know whose he is. I think she has like three possibles and two maybes. Hey homitos, we’re going to have to change my prima’s name to “all aboard,” que no?

Ha ha! I tell you what chiquitos, whoever hooks me up with a fine rana gets a free ride on the Chacha express, don’t even trip! And my prima is a pretty hoodrat too.

OK enough with the gossip, let’s see what tapados are seeking out the wisdom of the Magnificent One.

Erika from New Mexico writes: Sancho, I just had a baby three weeks ago and I wanted to know, how long do I have to wait before I can start having sex again?

Sancho: Damn chiquita, you don’t waste any time do you? Is that you Chacha? Well whoever it is you need to go get some duct tape and tape them legs together, you horny little girl!

Leslie from Texas writes: Hey Sancho, three months ago I joined this online site where you meet people. I’ve been corresponding with this one guy for about that long but I never gave him my phone number. I don’t know anything about him other than the information that he has on his profile, I mean he doesn’t even want to send me a picture of himself, so I don’t even know what he looks like. He just keeps saying for him and I to meet in person is better. He seems like a nice guy, what should I do?

Sancho: Well chiquita, you don’t have to be a genius to figure this one out. Wait, are you blonde? Anyway, if the vato doesn’t want to send you a picture then that should tell you something, que no? Hello sweetheart, the psycho is probably some dirty old man trying to prey on you or something. You don’t want to end up on one of those TV shows or on the back of a milk carton mija. You need to be careful nowadays, there are a lot of sick individuals out there, like my tio for example. I’m going to help you out pedora. Send in your picture and information and if you’re good to go then I’ll go beat it up for you. And if you’re too young for me, then I’ll have one of my little primos go tickle you for a little OK? Next…

Hector from California writes: What’s up Sanchito? Look I’m having a hard time in the “stamina” department, if you know what I mean. What can I do to make me last longer?

Sancho: I don’t think you really want to know what I have up right now homeboy, ha ha! And if you do want to know, then you’re a sick individual and I don’t mess around. Having problems in the stamina department? No I really don’t know what you mean minute man, ha ha. OK check it out, go pick up my new book Love You Long Time, go to chapter five, and read the section on blue genies.

Until next time camaradas, get at me with the chisme: